Lard girl goes forth…


Posted in Your stories.

There comes a time in every girl’s life when she has a terrible moment of being ‘self aware’, like some A.I. computer realising it is just a box of flashing lights & will never go, say, water–skiing or make paper aeroplanes or do any of the physical things in life…. For a girl, this moment of self-awareness is usually the dawning that she may just be a little bit fat, or even worse that...she may just be Lard Girl. I remember my moment of being self – aware, it is very clear to me, and it happened on Fleetwood High Street.  A strange and rather bog-standard place for an epiphany, but these things tends to spring up on you when you’re not looking. (Because, let’s face it, if you knew it was coming you’d probably run away as fast as your little lardy legs would carry you). carol-lucking-beforeIt was a sunny, so the husband decided that a trip to Fleetwood Steam Day was in order for the wife and two kids, so off we went.  Now Fleetwood Steam Day consists of the whole town becoming a Victorian village fair with stalls selling sweets and  home made cakes, stalls with ‘hook a duck’ and Tombolas and stalls representing the local churches and  Charities etc. Plus no fete day is complete without an ‘Epiphany’ stall, my own personal ‘Epiphany’ stall. I was minding my own business, meandering from stall to stall; I passed one not really paying much attention to what it was selling, but seemed to catch the eye of one of the stall holders. Suddenly she came from behind the table and followed me up the street, clutching a flyer in her hand. I had quickened my pace so as to get away but in a flash she was in front of me, taking my hand in both of hers, she looked deeply into my eyes and said ‘You know you’ll always be very welcome…’ and then she was gone, leaving me with the flyer and a sense of ‘what was all that about?’.  Now the Husband and two kids had been witness to all this and came running up to me, ‘Who was she?’, ‘What did she give you?’ I looked down at the flyer and my heart sank, quickly I tried to shove it in my pocket but the husband and kids snatched it away. It read: COME AND JOIN FLEETWOOD LADIES RUGBY TEAM, ALL AGES WELCOME…… That’s when it happened, that moment when you look at yourself in a shop window and the reflection tells you that you would indeed make a fine prop forward. It was as though time stood still and I was able to see myself in close detail. On this very hot Summer’s day  I was wearing my Husband’s jeans , his shirt and his anorak, and I think I would have worn his ‘y’ fronts as well, anything but  admit that I was a ladies size 20…… carol-lucking-after Anyway, time has moved on and I’m different now. A size 10 in the making, and I don’t wear my Husband’s clothes anymore. It has been a long journey, as I found my body was perfect for putting on weight not losing it. (The only Lard Girl on the Dessert Island Syndrome). Since, however, finding The Lemon Syrup Diet, I am now winning and I’m taking no prisoners plus as fit as a fiddle, though I’m not sure Fleetwood Ladies Rugby team would take me now… I was weighed at my local YMCA and I was shocked to find my weight was 14st 2lbs,now I weigh 9.5 stone. I was a size 20 now I am 10. (Size 12 usually after holidays & Xmas!!!) Three years ago I started at the YMCA and for about a year I slowly lost weight, getting down to about 12st 9lbs. But then I couldn't shift anymore. I found it very dis-heartening, I would diet and exercise and lose nothing. Then I gave up for about a year. I put some weight back on although I was still exercising, going back up to 13.5 stone. Then I tried the Lemon Detox last January, not a full detox, but just replaced my evening meal, I lost 4lbs in the 1st week. I just needed to trigger my body into losing weight again and then I did the detox a further two times and overall, lost 4 stone.  I love detoxing - it sort of makes you feel clean & fresh inside. I changed my lifestyle and dietary habits beyond recognition, which has helped the weight come off and stay off. I don't eat junk food very often  or crisps or fizzy drinks,(I don't live like a food saint, & I like wine & sherry) I started working out and between that and the detox I have found a way of keeping fit and controlling my body weight. I am fit, but without my detox I find it hard to lose fat, I can build up muscle but not get rid of fat. The guy at the YMCA told me that some people are just made that way, they can live a very physical life, but their body is made to store fat and thus it 'sticks'. So if I ever get marooned on an island I will be OK (well, that's one less thing to worry about....). I get asked all the time, 'it must be so emotional..... to have lost all that weight...... to look so fab now ....... when you used to look like 'Subo'.....' Well thanks for that!! I wish I could sing like her. I was miserable when I was fat, proper depressed, it affected my marriage, as I felt so un-attractive, but Philip, my husband, always wanted me fat or thin for cuddles etc..... (However, he doesn't miss fighting me over wearing his shirts & trousers, ie I use to wear the trousers in our marriage, HIS because mine wouldn't fit me). Now that I am thin, I don't feel like a different person, I feel more like myself, that was the problem when I was fat, it just wasn't me. It's not just a vanity thing, being able to walk around the shops without being so sweaty that you know you couldn't try anything on even if you wanted to. Being fit, doing the garden, getting up in the morning without aching hips, not being tired all the time, these things are very important. I also don't seem to swell up as much as I used to at that special time of the month! Also it saves money, I now wear the clothes my sons have grown out of, being very partial to their Deathnote T-shirts. (In fact don't tell them, that now when I buy them t-shirts & jackets etc, I always make sure I like them for me as well. Camden Market sells the best T-shirts by the way). I don't dwell on having been fat, it was a period in my life when I had other people to look after and major jobs to get on with ie. my sons, building a home, building a business with Philip, whilst I was fat I renovated two houses & a factory, had two children & built a home life with my husband, to be honest there wasn't time to work out or look after me, I was just too tired at the end of the day. So I don't feel that the fat years were wasted, I don't fear putting on weight, I don't get depressed anymore. I am content because I have spent the last 15 years achieving what I have now, two quite mad children, a beautiful home, & finally, time to spend at the weekend doing stuff with the family, plus time to spend on myself!!! So sorry, I am a bit of a loon, but not about being thin or fat... more about liking to watch Korean horror films whilst baking cakes or crocheting doilies, or wearing age-inappropriate shoes & skinny jeans.




Comments are closed.